I used to see you and my heart would stop. I would see you, and my heart would methodically begin to freeze time. Each beat, slower than the next. Id see you, and my fingertips would go cold, my throat would tighten, my palms would dampen, and my ears would heat with the blood that rushed into them. I could hear my own pulse within them–slowly approaching cessation. My existence stopped at the intersection of me and you. It wasn’t that time was frozen, rather I didn’t want to exist in a moment outside your presence. Not before, not after. Would I die to spend eternity in the vortex of emotions and responses you leached from my involuntary vessel?
You overwhelmed me. The thought of you was suffocating. Seeing you, would drown me in undulating waves of excitement. You excited my mind, you excited my body. You excited me. You’d look into my eyes, and I wonder if you knew that you affected me. You impacted me.
You’d touch my skin, and your fingertips would light up every-single-nerve-ending within me-electrifying me. You would kiss my lips and I would taste the charge between us. I felt compelled and bewitched to allow you to consume me and you had to know…You had to know, and you took full advantage.
To me you were the sun, my days began and ended at the whims of your rise and set. My universe exploded outwards from the central point of your vitality…And you…you only presented yourself to me when it was convenient for you. But when the sun shined, I flourished off the rays of energy. When the sun would set, I crawled into the darkness where I was nothing if not illuminated by your attention. To you, I was nothing but a dull star, forgettable in a galaxy of planets. You would remember me, how I shined resplendently just for you, only you–and then you would forget me. I longed for your moments of clarity, when you would remember how good I was to you. I wondered if you thought about me when your attention was elsewhere. Does King Jupiter concern itself with the moons of Dwarf Pluto? Probably not often. Probably not at all.
Eventually I began to despise the nature in which you did not regard me. I despised how I revered you, and to me, you remained apathetic at best. You would touch me, and your skin on mine was hot like a burning plasma, but you remained cold. I would taste your lips, and truly know you were there in front of me, and yet you remained universes away. Lightyears beyond me. I would never reach you. I would never be your sun– let alone your solar system. There was nothing wrong with me because you didn’t notice me. There was no reason to believe I was a dwarf planet beholden to a massive Jupiter. As I started to acknowledge my own existence, your presence lost its gravity and I broke free from the terrestrial crust of your manipulative grip. I began to ascend to a self awareness that found you…forgettable at best. I was brilliant in my own light. I existed in my own moment. I was a supernova, shining brighter than ever–exploding in the catastrophic event of escaping you.