On a good day I can count how many friends I have on one hand. If I were to count on one hand, today, assuming this day is like any other, not bad or good, perhaps I could count 2 or 3 friends. On a bad day, I wouldn’t need a hand at all. Don’t feel bad if you can relate, so can others. Blogger Sarah Sweeney admits in You’re Not Alone In Feeling Alone that her house plants make up a sizable amount of her friendships, meanwhile, my best friend is my refrigerator (See my post The Love-Fridge) and this isn’t just because it keeps my leftover pizza fresh. It’s cause sometimes I get lonely as fuck while simultaneously hating everyone in my proximity. I know. That doesn’t make any sense.
In this regard, friends are like a cool breeze and your favorite frozen treat on a smoldering hot day. They’re a splash of refreshing water on the back of your neck when you’ve baked in the sun like a fried worm after a summer storm. Friends are a needed oasis in a life that can feel like a barren desert scarred with crusted earth and unwelcoming wildlife. Friends are sometimes the only ones that keep you going when you question how it’s possible to be surrounded by so many heartless idiots and morons on the daily basis. Friends remind you that you don’t have to stab stupid people, instead you just talk about them with your friends and laugh about their obvious incompetency at life.
Friends are our surrogate mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and cousins. Friends are loved ones that you choose to love everyday free of obligation. Mostly because they’re part of the small percentage of people that don’t make you wonder if something is wrong with you because you don’t like all the other meat sacks you encounter on the regular basis. Friends are true companions and demand nothing more than your confidence and trust. To be a true friend is not a frivolous endeavor. A true friendship is as profound as any intimate relationship a person could have. When a true friend is made, the relationship is able to develop in a way entirely disparate to a romantic connection.
The relationship is free of social demands, of economic stressors, and of superficial desires. If your friend isn’t as cute as you–so what, your mom isn’t going to tell you, you can do better like she’s the one fucking your mate. Your friend is always broke as fuck? So what, you just wanted someone to come over and save you from eating a whole large pizza and binge watch Game of Thrones with. Your friend doesn’t go all out with romantic gestures for you on Valentine’s Day? Oh well, you’re not going to give them the silent treatment. As wonderful as an amorous and familial love can be, they cannot carry or sustain one person. To feel the full embrace of love and its many shades, a true friendship is necessary. Where an amorous relationship may be shackled by romance, and a familial relationship may be chained by duty, a companionship is free to burgeon.
How many of your friends are true friends? How many are just acquaintances? Let’s be honest, 99% of your Facebook friends are just people who you stalk because you met them that one time, at that one place, centuries ago. How many of your friends are walking beside you hand in hand in your darkest hours? Probably very few. Probably less than the number of double shots you can take before you forget how lonely you are– And then probably less than that.
Ironically you might find that the least likely person will clasps your hands in your moment of despair. You might have even considered them unworthy of friendship in the past.
Yet, flailing out into the darkness you clutch onto the hand of someone you never considered a friend. But they’re there for you. Holding onto you, dragging you out of the void. Sometimes friendships are built through strife. Like how you became best friends with that girl in 3rd grade when you realized she also hated Regina Hallard because of her special edition, deluxe coloring pencils that she flaunted and refused to share.
Regardless, the embrace is still just as sweet, as true friendship has no requirement but that you be there–to experience together.
Though everyone needs a friend or two, sometimes it’s hard to make friends. Sometimes you don’t like people. Sometimes people don’t even like you. You may be wondering how? How Sway? How can make friends with someone?
The truth is, Sway ain’t got the answers. I sure as hell don’t either, but what I do know is, that there aren’t even a large selection of people I want to be friends with. It’s not that I’m entirely socially degenerate. The rest of the world obviously has some social development they need to work on as well. But, seriously, there are literally 8 billion individuals in the world. You live in a fish bowl, and can only select your physical friends from there. It’s okay that you’re one in a million and nobody seems to get you…but there is somebody who gets you…because while you’re one in a million, you’re also millions out of millions. There’s billions of people who feel and even think just like you.
Sometimes when you’re lucky, you’ll encounter one of these people. By chance they will exist near you and a wonderful friendship will be born. Do the math. You’re not too stupid, too ugly, too fat, or too obsessed with pizza because you don’t make friends fast and easy. You’re just waiting for a genuine connection out of 8 billion people while living in a city swallowed by the earth. This blog by Kate Jacobson Let’s Talk About Why It’s So Hard to Make Friends As An Adult says it best:
“For some reason, people seem to gloss over the fact that it’s really, really hard to make friends as an adult.”
While being an adult is an added and extra layer of difficulty in making friends, perfectly social, good looking, engaging and well rounded individuals find friendships hard to cultivate all the time. With that said, even though there are billions of people who are probably not friend quality, there are still millions who are. The most important thing, is to be open to friendships at every turn in your step. So, wherever you are I’m here waiting for you, my million out of a billion, and these are the things I can’t wait to share with you.
My favorite thing about you is that you always try to understand. People are complex, they’re different, and their ideas vary greatly. When you don’t understand me you don’t fault me for it, you simply admit that you don’t understand and you try your best to get it. I will always do the same for you.
I’m not funny. You probably aren’t either. But you keep a smile on my face and laughter in my eyes. Nothing can be better than having no reason at all be a reason to share our happiness.
When I’m sad, let me cry without judgement. Don’t tell me how to feel, you don’t even have to understand why I’m sad, see my first address to you; just be there for me. Hold my hand in the darkness so I know I’m not alone.
Hate the people that treat me like shit. I will do the same for you. Never let me forget my worth.
We don’t have to like to do the same things, but we have to like doing things together.
Inspire me to be a better me. Challenge me not to be the same friend you had a month ago. Support me in my upstream struggle to be better despite my obstacles.
Trust me. I will trust you.
Sometimes we outgrow each-other or life pulls us apart. Just know I’m here to be that hand when darkness forbids you comfort–all you have to do is reach out. I wont forget that you were my friend when I needed you to be.
Respect. Whatever the situation, don’t disparage. Don’t call me names I don’t like or say and do things you know I won’t enjoy out of spite. See my 4th address to you. Be mature.
Forgive me when I’m wrong. I will apologize, and I will be sorry, but forgive me. Ill forgive you too.
Make yourself known. I’m patiently awaiting your arrival. You’re always welcome. You can’t be too late or too early, cause I’m happy to have you either way….but lets face it, not everyone is meant to be friends.